it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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