also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
