Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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