whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
