he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
