i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have post one night stand depression
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