You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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