you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize