that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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