I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
