my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
