haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize