so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
