i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
