haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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