while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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