I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
