is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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