overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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