Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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