If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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