just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
