is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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