"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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