For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're too hungover to prance.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
