you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
