I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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