Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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