I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I want is dick and wine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
