I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
