You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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