She is in my trunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
