Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
