Cold hands, warm shart.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
