A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
