quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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