I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
