So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
