Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
