She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize