We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
