Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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