omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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