1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize