I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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