I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
