Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
