Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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