Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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