I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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