Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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