There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
