everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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