Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
