And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
