Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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