Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we should paint friendship bongs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize