He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
