My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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