he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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