Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize