dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
