I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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