we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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