If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
