Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize