no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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