i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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