dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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