Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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