just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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