Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
