Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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