You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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